Autumn’s Mental Health Journey
I remember going back to Hampton University for my first homecoming as an Alumna in 2016. I remember touching down at the Virginia Beach airport and attempting to hype myself up by saying, “you MUST have fun this weekend. You’ve gotta make it fun,”. This was my first trip since graduating and Homecoming has always been the highlight of Fall but unfortunately, it didn’t feel special this time.
I anxiously drove to campus and immediately went to our Day Party called 12-5. I struggled to interact with old friends and enjoy the party. I tried to keep up a front that everything was fine, but everyone could see I was anxious and detached.
I ended up leaving early to get some space. I retreated to my hotel room, took a shower, and sobbed. I still to this day don’t know why I was so triggered but unfortunately, my depression and anxiety kicked in into overdrive. It was at that moment that I realized my sadness was much more than a phase.
Depression is one of those things that keep you shackled. You feel prisoner to your emotions and thoughts. Unfortunately, it’s a mental health disorder that you can’t snap out of – you just have to go through it. For a while, I felt like I would never be able to climb out of that hole. I had no clue how I got there but I realized that I might not ever get out, which scared me.
Luckily I started to go to therapy, I started building up my happy endorphins by working out and eating right, and I practiced self-forgiveness. I’ve always been my biggest critic and after looking back on 2016, I realized that my self-sabotaging behavior pushed me into depression. I hated my job, I hurt people I cared about, and quite frankly – I didn’t really like myself. Because I was so hard on not being everything I expected for myself, I felt like my life was over and the anxiety and depression piled on.
Through therapy, I realized one critical truth about life – no one knows what they’re doing. I know, it’s difficult to stomach. But yes, everyone in this life is winging it. We didn’t come in this life with a roadmap and we only uncover the truth about life in retrospect. So be kind to yourself, forgive yourself often, and accept the unknown.
As the founder of Proxie, a community designed to bridge the gap between business resources and black women entrepreneurs, I wanted this concept to be at the core of my business. Although the main focus is primarily to educate Black women on how to start and grow their business, I also want us to be kind to ourselves and accept the ebbs and flows of entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurship is tough but being an entrepreneur as a Black woman is one of the most difficult paths in the world. Proxie serves as a safe space to get to your goals and show yourself grace in the process. It took years for me to become happy and mentally healthy and I’m so glad that the culmination of my personal growth birthed a community like Proxie.
To me, Always evolving means that you consistently work on yourself – in business and in life. One of my favorite things about entrepreneurship is that you are constantly reinventing it and growing in the process. Every successful business operates as a “Work in Progress”, meaning that they consistently assess what works right and wrong and evolves to consistently bring their customers the best. Once I realized that I could approach my businesses the way I approach my mental health (which is with grace, patience and fluidity) my brands naturally improved.
This process wasn’t overnight. I had to rebuild my confidence and mental health by redirecting negative self-talk (which is so hard!), going to therapy, consistently forgiving myself, and practicing grace. If you see me on social media, know that my smile and joy is genuine and built from the ground up. I had to work on it. I promise you’ll get there too! The only difference between try and triumph is a little “umph”.