Shanel’s Mental Health Journey
We have been conditioned by media and culture from a very young age to believe that mental illnesses are big, noticeable issues that rarely occur. As I grew older, I realized that mental health also consists of “sneaky” issues that many of us have normalized. Issues that, if they aren’t addressed, can have a tremendous impact on how we live our life.
My sneaky issue was anxiety. I had pretty bad experiences with it in high school but never had any language for it. I would cry and panic when my homework piled up and always felt like it was because I was weird or sensitive. But when I entered college, it developed into something that I knew was abnormal. I remember my freshman year of college my heart was speeding up uncontrollably at my internship while having feelings of panic. Something I noticed was a pattern. I thought I had a heart issue! I searched my symptoms on the internet and it came up as anxiety. I had never heard of it. It’s unbelievable how much mental health conversations have progressed. This was just 10 years ago, and yet, I had never heard of the term. Though far too late, finding out what it was literally changed my life.
Reading up on mental health was how I learned to manage anxiety. I learned what my triggers were and how to maintain them. I cannot stress enough that this took time. I learned self-love in a way that is both gentle and accountable. This for me meant taking the time to create a schedule and being honest about the amount of time or money I could give to something. But most of all, I became grateful. Gratitude can be such a relief for anxiousness. I noticed that what caused me to become anxious was this need to have everything in my life figured out by 21. The need to have the perfect car, job, home, savings, etc. trickled down to my everyday life. This thought process triggers so many people who already have anxiety and is only exacerbated by our social media addiction. So, to remedy that need for everything at once, I challenge myself daily to be grateful for the life that is currently in front of me. It has not cured my anxiety, but has given me daily relief.
As I evolve my understanding of mental health, I recognize that mental health is physical health. It’s just a different part of the body-- the mind. Knowing this, I have allowed myself to extend myself, but most of all others, grace. I wouldn’t expect a friend down with the flu to show up for me. So, I would have to extend the same grace to a friend having a panic attack. I would shower someone with love who was battling a terminal illness. So, why would I not take seriously someone who is battling a lifelong mental illness? I believe that we have to change the perception of mental health not just for ourselves but all of those around us.
If COVID-19 has taught me anything, it’s that we’re all just a trigger away from a mental breakdown. From celebrities to people I know personally, I have witnessed how this pandemic is greatly impacting our mental health. Transparency, like the stories in this blog, is healing people every day. People who have not gotten help with their illness due to stigma are finally seeing that it’s normal and not at all their fault. We definitely have a long way to go in destigmatizing and properly treating mental illness, but I am grateful for the growing awareness.
Anxiety still has a place in my life. Thankfully, awareness of it has helped me grow into the woman I am today. My only hope is these conversations continue to transform the lives of others dealing with similar issues and any mental health struggle, big or small.