Mikaela’s Mental Health Journey

"As a child of working professionals, mental health often was not discussed. No matter how you felt about anything, life had to keep moving. That meant regardless of what happened today, school (and work for my parents) would be waiting for us in the morning. I can't even remember the first time I heard the term, “mental health.” The earliest memory I can recall was in high school when one of my teachers took a “mental health day.” “People can do that?” I thought to myself.

Navigating my mental health has not been an easy or linear journey. Recently my therapist asked me who in my family did mental health “well.” I thought to myself for what seemed like forever… “I don’t know!” Eventually my Auntie Chell came to mind. What I realized was growing up, there was no room for mental health. It wasn’t real! You feel when you have time to because if you feel too much, life will surely keep moving on without you.

High school is my earliest memory of my mental health really taking a toll and finally actually caving into my need to listen. I was overworked and overbooked, what seems to be a common theme in my life. I told my parents I needed to stay home and I guess they figured if their 4.0 star was missing school, it was serious. I woke up at 11am to 50 missed calls from my best friends. They called my parents y’all! Everyone was genuinely concerned why I wasn’t there that day, but ouuuu Chile did I need that break.

In high school the most stressful times usually involved me being in two places at once but college quickly changed that. In my first month of school my very close family friend was murdered and I lost it! I couldn’t think, I couldn't breathe, I wanted to disappear, I needed to disappear! What I needed was a therapist.

I spent an hour a week crying to my then therapist about all of my feelings. What I thought would only be about Diona’s death, turned into long sessions about my father’s battle with alcoholism, my mother’s impossible work schedule and my long history of feeling like a terrible friend. It worked, so I thought, and I stopped attending.

It wasn’t until I kept on living that feelings of inadequacy and comparison would creep into my head at night. As a psychology major, I was learning so much. But that forced me to critically analyze my own situations and THAT was too much. By the end of my freshman year I began a “mental health routine.” Each Wednesday I would spend the entire day eating my favorite food and watching my favorite shows. It wasn’t until 2019 I realized indulging and feeding your flesh is not working on your mental health at all. It simply helps you forget what is really going on in that moment. I was really just using a numbing cream that would patch me up until the next Wednesday.

Since I was 16 years old I’ve kept a journal that I write in each night. But since graduating from Howard I have incorporated moments of silence into my daily routine. In these moments is when I am actually practicing the complicated and daunting task of getting a handle on my mental health. I think about how I feel, how I reacted to something, what I wanted to feel but may have discouraged myself from feeling; then, I write about it! Every Day! When I feel those effects of burnout I first experienced in high school I recognize it. Then, I do something about it. I go do something that refreshes me like taking a walk or talking to a friend or I just sit on my floor and breath until I can work again.

The biggest thing I have learned on my journey through mental health is to LISTEN! When I am sleepy, I sleep. When I am hungry, I eat. When I simply cannot do something because my brain is tired, I go and recharge her. I haven’t figured out all the answers but mental health is a journey not a destination, and I am honored to allow myself the room to go on it courageously. We are all just out here trying to find ways to evolve, still!

Thank you for reading. Please come on over to www.TheSunflowerFactory.com for tips, tricks or just to chat.

With Love,

Mikaela